{Lauren on what it’s like to be in the middle of the ocean}

In the days just prior to and following our departure from the Galapagos, I suspect that I intentionally tried not to think too much about the length of this passage. When I did think about it, albeit briefly, I couldn’t help but feel a little anxious. It’s not that I anticipated that we would be in danger; I have yet to feel unsafe out here. No, I think I felt that way due to the high potential for cabin fever. I experienced what this is like on a hot day when the boat was docked in Panama–I literally felt like I had a fever (even though we had the A.C. on) and had to get off the boat ASAP, at which point I immediately felt better. On this passage, however, there would be no opportunities to get off the boat no matter how restless, irritable, or bored any of us were.

It would not be anything like life in the U.S., where we are so fortunate in terms of space. If one is angry with one’s spouse, for example, all one has to do is go to another part of one’s multi-room house, jump in the car and go for a drive, etc. Similarly, if one had a bad day at work, there are several available avenues for which to veg out or forget about it via electronics, restaurants and bars, and shopping malls. Not so on a 40′ boat in the middle of the ocean.

With that said, it only took a few days for me to be freed of that anxiety and get settled in. The first step was to overcome the lethargy that comes with getting one’s sea legs and avail myself of all of the opportunities for leisure that are onboard. No, I don’t mean like being relieved to find out that there will be a lousy movie playing on one’s long flight, (although watching an good film on board is a welcome diversion). I mean the kind of leisure that is self-selected and allows one to use or develop one’s talents and creativity. For example, there are ever-present opportunities for creative cooking, as you have likely read about in other blogs. I am actually not that creative in the galley (I don’t want to take the risk of having 4 hungry crew) but have really enjoyed experimenting with others’ creative yet tried and true recipes and making substitutions based on available ingredients. In addition, I’ve recently started experimenting with sewing and hope to progress from my current project, a tool roll for Dallas’ wrenches, to other useful items for the boat.

At this point, you may be thinking “OK, Martha Stewart, I get it. You’re having fun being domestic.” It’s true, but that’s not the point. For the first several days it was the point…I was focused on miniature goals such as preparing a nice meal or completing a tedious book chapter. But about a week into the passage, something changed. I started to view my activities not as a means to an end (a goal), but as an end in themselves, and began to enjoy them more as a result. For example, I stopped trying to get through book chapters that didn’t appeal to me; now I pick and choose what I want to read depending on the day. I am currently reading four books and getting more out of them than I would otherwise.

But let me take yet another step back. I think that for me to answer the question of what it’s like to be in the middle of the ocean, it’s important to move beyond what I’m doing to talk about what I’m not doing. I am not sitting in traffic or waiting in line (waiting for anything, for that matter). I am not feeling like I’m behind schedule or haven’t met my personal high standards of achievement. I am not feeling locked in to any one activity or problem to be solved.

Instead, I have the rare privilege for a few short weeks to have decisions no more complicated than what we should have for dinner. I get to watch the waves undulating, feeling the wind and sunshine on my skin. I have unprecedented time to enjoy the company of my husband .I have the quietude to reflect on my prior experiences and to laugh while exchanging stories. I get to work on tasks of my own choosing on my own time. Most of all, I get to relax and just BE.

It’s funny, you know, I think that this trip was founded, in large part, on a desire to achieve goals, and I still think that circumavigating the world on one’s own boat is as good as any. But despite that we have only just started and have crossed but a fraction the immense Pacific, I am beginning to understand what our circumnavigator-friend Ken told us: “It’s not the destination, it’s the journey.”